I normally resist the urge to use real usernames in my eBay rants but I have decided to make an exception in this case. It really represents everything that is wrong with the feedback system and really the world in general.

This champion’s real user id is “ihaveafork.” Block him/her. Keep an eye out for him/her. But whatever you do, avoid him/her at all costs as this person is the biggest jerk I have met all quarter.

I ordered a book from “ihaveafork” before Christmas. The book is listed as brand new. It arrives with the first few pages torn out.

Luckily, however, there is only really reviews and boring stuff in the first few pages of this book so I still give it to my aunt for Christmas anyway, mainly because it was too late at that point to do anything about it. That and my aunt is family and family doesn’t care about stuff like that. Well, actually, they probably do care. They just aren’t allowed to complain about it.

I leave feedback for “ihaveafork”. It is neutral.

Neutral
pricednostalgia: “Book was marked new/Seller didn’t mention that the first few pages were torn out”

I thought that was rather nice of me to only leave a neutral since she sold me a “new” book with pages torn out but, lo and behold, this little gem appears in my feedback the next day.

Negative
ihaveafork: “Buyer left neutral before I was able to make amends–wasn’t aware of missing pg”

To me, negative feedback is for when the seller murders your entire family. Or at least when they overcharge you on shipping or something. But let’s just take a moment here to check our reality. I was just left a negative feedback…. for having been sent a torn book.

This made me angrier than a fire spitting cybertoad so I went back to the neutral feedback that I left and posted a follow-up.

pricednostalgia: “BUYERS BEWARE! In addition to damaged goods, leaves a NEG as a reply to NEUTRAL!”

I am hoping that follow-up reflects the sheer and utter rage I was feeling.

And yes, cyber-mothers, I realize that I should have just left it alone and not engaged in a feedback war. At this point, my feedback makes it clear that he/she was just leaving it for retaliatory reasons and while I am sure it will be pushed back a few pages in a matter of days, I decide to take one more peek at forky’s feedback.

For some reason, this burns me more than the original negative. As a reply to my reply, ishouldbeforked or whoever has put “leaves neutral before coming to me with problem–deserves negative.”

I really need Nathan Lane to step in at this moment and give you one of those classic slow burns that he is so very talented at.

Thank you Mr. Lane, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

I deserve a negative for daring to complaint (in a neutral, not even a negative) that I got a book that was marked new but had several pages torn out?

I must be honest, this has come back to annoying me several times over the course of the day. I will be going about my business happily and then suddenly get a cold chill as the words “deserved a negative” play over in my head in the husky intimidating tones of Frank Welker’s Claw.

This whole ordeal annoyed me so very much that I almost decided to care about my feedback again.

Luckily it was just almost.

Forky has so many negs that they probably won’t be around for long anyway so I just need to be zen about it.