I am behind. In NaNoWriMo. On my work for the holidays. On my work on other things. On my holiday projects. On calling people back.

You name it, I am probably behind on it.

It’s not that I am slacking off, because I am working like a crazy person. It’s more that I suspect I am not managing my time right coupled with a lot of extra work that just comes with this time of year what with the holiday rush coupled with a whole mess of work that was dumped on me (which I cannot talk about on here but GRRR) that was completely out of my control.

I’m trying not to freak out, but the freak is happening a little. I am trying to tell myself that it will all get done but I think the biggest problem is that I tend underestimate how long things will take me, promise myself I will finish “x” tonight and then take a break and “x” ends up taking four days and stressing the living daylights out of me because I never take that break. Part of this has been technology issues, but still.

I need to pony up and cut out sleep, that’s the thing for it. She says at 2:25 AM.

I am also messed up by the fact that I thought I had a whole other week after Thanksgiving to do stuff and only just realized that Thanksgiving is at the end of the month. This was dumb of me. I am not smart.

What it all boils down to is complete and total anger at myself. I am really pissed at October Hillary. She took time off and played games, went out, did stuff occasionally. Fun? Sure. But I should have been working my butt off in October so that this month wouldn’t be so bad. I know I cannot go back in time and change that but every late night I pull I sit there stewing in anger at October Hillary, who feels like a different person than me. She is some kind of time squandering imp who tricked me into this situation and I am mad at her.

What bothers me the most is that I hate breaking promises in general but I actually hate breaking promises to myself more than to other people. Yes, this is mess up. But I don’t often promise myself things and I promised myself a lot of things this month which is why I am so freaking-out-y because I cannot let go of those things.

Well, I have the two days of the weekend ahead of me. If I can get a chunk of stuff done on Sat (Sunday is Thanksgiving 1 in my family) then maybe I will be able to see the path to normality up ahead from there.

Here is your daily dose of awesome:

So I told my husband I was going to pull a late night and work on NaNoWriMo. The plan was to stock pile a lot of words and then do my real work tomorrow. So it’s 2 AM and I am really tired and have. . . no words written.

On the plus side, I did a lot of my “real work” tonight so I guess that means I can write tomorrow (though I have a lot more “real work” to do than I thought I did which is mildly depressing). My “let me just finish this thing quick” tonight turned into a whole long night of work.

I must say, the temptation to ignore everything in life but the novel until its done is really really tempting but just not realistic. I hope to finish my writing early tomorrow and then enlist the hubby to help me with some of my other work later in the day but I really hate not accomplishing what I say I am going to, even if its on a small scale. I thought about trying to write some anyway but I am really tired and useless right now so I am thinking that’s a bad plan.

On the plus side, I am a little bit ahead of the goal I set for myself so I am hoping this won’t be this big a set back.

My undoing was the election yesterday. I was all in the zone and would have kept writing all night but I stopped to watch the election stuff and lost my mojo. That and we stayed up way too late anyway watching the speeches. Damn you McBama!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day, right?