May 01 2009

swine flu

I don’t want to be freaking out about swine flu. It doesn’t seem productive. But, at the same time, you know its going to be something like this that wipes out the human race because we were all cavalier about it. As I sagely said to my brother on this topic, “I would rather be over-paranoid for no reason than dead” which I think is a sound philosophy. No, I am not wearing a face mask and running around like a maniac. I am living my life exactly the same as I always do. It is more of a freaking out on a conceptual level where I don’t actually do anything about it.

I do think someone seriously needs to tap Miss Piggy ASAP for some kind of swine flu PSA. You know she already has some bejeweled designer face mask all ready for something like this and is pissed as heck that Kermit is using swine flu as an excuse not to kiss her and is contemplating a hook up with Link Hogthrob out of pig prejudice solidarity. Yes, I have given this too much thought, why do you ask?

This is actually totally playing into my #1 worst fear which is that we humans get so arrogant in our ability to fix stuff that when a real crisis shows up most of us are like, eh whatever, it’s not big deal and then we all die!!!! Seriously, people, Wall-E freaked me out for like a week. Maybe it was because I also read I Am Legend and Blade Runner in the same week. That may have been poor planning on my part, I am willing to admit that. I have concluded, however, that post-apocalyptic stuff is my worst fear and that I am also strangely addicted to it even though it keeps me, quite literally up all night stressing over it.

To clarify, I am not up all night stressing about swine flu but rather how will I grow my own vegetables when there are vampires and zombies attacking me every night. I don’t even know how to work a generator and I don’t know what I will eat without supermarkets!!

All I have to say is that if this swine flu thing turns out to be a big deal and I end up being the last person on earth having to fend off pig-human mutants ala I Am Legend I will be PISSED!

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