My mom doesn’t really like when I share her momisms here but NOT sharing them was crushing all the fun out of my life so she’ll have to deal.

First, this classic from several months ago:

“Robert Pattinson. Isn’t he in that movie with Reese Witherwhatever, Elephants Can’t Swim?” -My mom

And then, from just now:

Mom: Doesn’t Reese… *a long pause ensues in which I assume she’s going to say some version of Witherspoon when she throws me a curve ball* Fillbus look good?

Me: …I’m sure I would agree with you if I had any idea who Reese Fillbus… wait. Do you mean Regis Philbin?

Mom: *unfazed* Doesn’t he look good for his age?

Me: *sighs* Yes, mom. Yes, he does.

And then, for old time’s sake, a rerun of this classic from the day Heath Ledger died…

Mom: Isn’t that a shame about Keith Richards?

My husband: You mean Heath Ledger? Yeah…

Mom: And Keith Richards is still alive! *she says as if Husband was the one who’d said it wrong*

Husband: Uh… yeah.

Mom: And now I’m all depressed about this financial stuff I saw on TV. I was watching that guy… oh, you know… the Mad Money guy…

Husband: *just trying to keep up* Jim Cramer?

Mom: Yes! Him. You know me. I’m terrible with numbers.

Doesn’t that just about sum it up?

The following post is a guest post from Megan of Help4Writers on Tumblr in honor of NaNoWriMo. Megan is a high school senior but has been writing for many years and loves to talk shop with other writers. Her blog has writing prompts, advice, reference and more so go on and check it out.

~Hillary

Image via Wikipedia

Many people dread the term “outline” when it comes to any kind of writing because they simply don’t feel it’s necessary to plan out what you’re writing. They get their best ideas by writing the first thing that comes to mind. Then they either edit as they go – a detriment to anyone that is participating in National Novel Writing Month – or they edit once they’ve finished writing (if they’ve gotten that far).

Outlines are an essential part of writing, whether you’re just starting out or have been writing novels for years. No matter what you’re writing down about your story to remember for a later time, this is an outline, something you wish to include when you get to a certain part.

For anyone participating in National Novel Writing Month, an outline will help you when plotting things out, especially if you’re plotting ahead of time instead of a day or two before NaNo starts.

There are four things you can do to enhance your outline so that, once you’ve completed it, it becomes your guide for the month.

• Details, Details, Details! – When you’re plotting, write down every minute detail you think you may need for your storyline. You may come up with a witty comeback for your character to say during an argument, and that’s the time to write it down. There’s no guarantee that you’ll remember it a few weeks down the road when you’re writing this argument in chapter eight. Even if you decide when writing that a certain plot detail isn’t necessarily needed, it’s good to have it down.
• It’s Not the Ten Commandments. Your outline isn’t written in stone. Things can easily change, and writers need to accept that sometimes an idea seems to work well in the planning stages but not when you’re trying to write it out. Some portions of your outline may be extraneous, and it’s perfectly fine to get rid of something that isn’t working.
• Stick To Your System. If you’re more comfortable filling out scene sheets that keep track of characters, settings and plot, use those; if you use a document on your computer to construct the classic numbered outline, utilize your computer skills to do just that. The important thing is to use a system of outlining that you’re most comfortable with. If you have a comfortable outlining system, that’s one less thing to worry about when starting on the sometimes-hectic journey of NaNoWriMo.
• Outline at Least a Rough Ending. I know this seems like an odd tip – even somewhat obvious – but you’d be surprised at how many people leave out a plan for their ending and then get stuck on what to do when the time comes to put a finish to what you’ve been working on. Having at least a rough ending before diving into your novel is important; as you write, you may go back to your outline and add more details to it, or you may change it completely; if you don’t think about the ending until you’re actually there, you’ll at least have an idea of how you wanted things to finish a month prior when you originally constructed the outline.

By keeping these four tips in mind when you’re outlining your November novel, you will easily get the premise of your novel down so you can go back and easily write later.

Playscripts was kind enough to invite me back to do a second guest blog post which just went up yesterday. This one’s called…

Adapt or Perish! Five Things to Consider Before Starting an Adaptation

If you have a second to visit their blog and read the whole thing and maybe leave a comment, it would be much appreciated! Here’s a teaser:

Playwrights, it’s hard to deny the lure of the adaptation. Taking existing content that you already know works and adapting it for the stage seems so much faster than writing something from scratch. An adaptation also makes your job that much easier when it comes to promotion. If your source material already has fans, they’ll seek out your content on the strength of the original name even if they’ve never heard of you. Sounds great, right?

Nearly all adaptations can be boiled down into two types:

• Format shifts: Taking a movie, short story, novel, life story, video game, comic book, etc… and converting it into a stage play. (“Based on the bestselling novel…”)
• Reboots: Taking an existing stage play and adding your own twist, such as modernization, style changes , etc. (“It’s Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet… but with zombies!”)

But writing an adaptation comes with its own host of writing challenges. Here are 5 things you should consider if you’re thinking of tackling an adaptation:

Read the rest at the Playscripts blog. 

Husband, who originally hails from PA, wishes to make a U-Turn but is prevented by posted traffic signs.

Husband: New Jersey is such an ass backwards state.

Me: Whatever. We invented the light bulb. What did Pennsylvania ever invent?

Husband: America.

“The day I start a book 200 other people start books. And they’re smarter, and funnier, and more talented than I am, and you would enjoy them much more than you’re enjoying me. But too bad for them and too bad for you, ’cause I’m the guy that finished the book. That’s the reality.” -Stephen Hunter

Oddly inspiring in a “so what if I suck, I have the odds on my side!” kind of way.

And that’s why I love NaNoWriMo. It gets you started. It gives you the impetus to finally start, and/or finally finish. Knowing there are thousands of others out there trying to do the same, who are using this ridiculous deadline as cattle-prod and shame deterrent, means goddamnit, you better do it now because you know how to write, and you have fingers, and you have this one life, and during this one life, you should put your words down, and make your voice heard, and then let others hear your voice. And the only way any of that’s going to happen is if you actually do it. People can’t read the thoughts in your head. They can only read the thoughts you put down, carefully and with great love, on the page. So you have to do it, goddamnit. You have to do it, and you can step back and be happy. You can step back and relax. You can step back and feel something like pride.

Then of course you’ll have to revise it ten or twenty times, but let’s not talk about that yet.

Write your goddamned book now. The world awaits.

-Dave Eggers’ 2010 NaNoWriMo pep talk

I bring my mom breakfast from Panera Bread for her birthday. She is on the phone with my grandmother. Let’s see what happens next…

Mom: Hillary brought me breakfast from Pandora.
Me: The planet from Avatar?
Dad: Isn’t there also, like, a box called Pandora? Pandora’s box, something like that?
Mom: *into the phone* Oh, nothing. They are just making fun of me because I said Pandora instead of Pantera.

(Pantera is, of course, a heavy metal rock band.)

Me: I’m having trouble with this part [in my book] and I need some advice.
Husband: OK (Starts to read what is on my computer screen behind me)
Me: No! Don’t read what is on the screen. Everything on the screen has already been cut out and is from an old draft where events don’t even happen in the same order. Ignore what is on the screen, it is not in the story anymore and let me tell you about the problem I’m having.
Husband: OK
(I then detail the problem I am having with my story. He does not appear to be giving me his full attention. I finally ask)
Me: So what do you think of that idea? Do you think it sounds good?
Husband: Well, what is on the screen there is terrible, you should cut all of that out.

He was serious, not trying to be funny. At this point I shrieked “I already told you that I cut that out and not to read it!!!” and highlighted all of that text in the color of poop to remind him that it was crap that had already been cut out. He then became incredibly facinated that my version of Word had the ability to highlight things in poop color while his could only do bright yellow and I lost him into the magical distracted place that men’s minds go when poop is even tangentially involved.

As a husband? A wonderful person.

As a writing critique partner, though, he’s freaking useless.

There are so many quote board entries I cannot put because they are talking about other people. It is downright sad.

The runner up:

Me: It’s interesting to see how many people I knew from school who were really shallow ended up married to rather fat guys. Do you suppose this means they finally learned to accept a person’s inner beauty?
Steve: (in a half asleep stupor) Nah, it means that they married their hot guys and they got fat. *A really long pause ensues here where I have moved on to other thoughts. Suddenly out of the blue Steve says in a dreamy half-asleep voice* . . .  you know. Like Frederline. He got fat.”

But the amazing winner is, of course, my mother:

Me: So is Watchman worth renting?
Mom: Let me put it this way. His penis isn’t big enough to make it worth sitting through the whole movie for.

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.” -Kurt Vonnegut

In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, flying is described as throwing yourself at the ground and missing. Isn’t that what writing basically is? Making a ridiculous leap, which is, essentially, something very stupid to do, and, by some miracle, making something other people might want to read?

We don’t know how to fly, any of us, before we start. The only way to learn is to just make that jump.