Celebrate William Shakespeare with some Fakespeare from The Love of Three Oranges

William Shakespeare (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today, April 23rd, back in 1616 was the day that famed playwright William Shakespeare died.* To celebrate, here’s the famed Fakespeare scene from The Love of Three Oranges.

CREONTA: Rope! My rope! Hang those two thieves by the neck until they are dead.

THE ROPE: Alack, but vile and ill-natured female! Upon wherein did thine affections tarry when I didst but lie here and rot for many a year? Nay, but those fellows tooketh care to remove the wetness that didst plagueth me of late and hath laid me upon the cool ground to revel in a state of dryness. Nay, I wouldst not delay them in their noble course for all thine base and bestial howling.

CREONTA: Then, you, dearest donkey, precious beast of burden, tear those two apart and eat their flesh!

DONKEY: Nay, but alas for many a season didst you but keep the food of the tummy from me and my mouth when it was that I required it of you. These fine gentlemen of fortune didst but give me carrots of which to partake which I did most verily and forthsoothe with merriment. I havest decided that thou dost suck most verily and no longer will I layth the smackth down in thine name but will rather let such gentlemen as these go free of themselves.

TRUFFALDINO: [To the audience.] Well, what do you know? Fakespeare!

–The Love of Three Oranges, Act 2, Scene 5

Then the music goes all “wuh wuh wuh…” because I know it’s a cheesy joke but I love it anyway. But, deep down, you know you love that “suck most verily” part.

*=Assuming he lived at all. Or wrote any of those plays. Pick your conspiracy.