Make it easier to add a new habit by fitting it into the life you’re already living

There’s something right now that you want to be doing but you can’t seem to fit it into your life. Maybe it’s more writing time or maybe it’s something else but, whatever it is, the secret to forcing a new habit into your life is to line it up with what you’re already doing instead of trying to completely change your life around the new thing.

Let’s use exercise as a simple example. I have a real insomnia problem and regular physical activity helps mitigate it. But making exercise a regular habit is not as easy as it sounds or we’d all have supermodel bodies.

My college offered a kickboxing class. It was a lot of fun, it was free and it was great exercise. I always enjoyed it once my friends and I got there but it was at the least convenient times for me and the times also changed weekly. Just gathering up everyone and getting there was a big production that involved uprooting my whole schedule, packing a bag ahead of time, racing right from class, missing dinner, having to go to play rehearsal all sweaty and gross, etc and so, no matter the promises we made about going, we went only rarely and then stopped going entirely. As attractive as it looked on paper, it was too hard to fit into the established pattern of my life so I didn’t stick with it.

As an adult, I was a member of Curves for many years. I loved it for a lot of reasons and one of the biggest was that it filled a need in my life. The vibe at Curves is lots of chatting during the recovery portions of the workout and, for someone who worked from home, alone and desperate for social contact, it was perfect. I never felt hassled that I should go to the gym, I looked forward to it as one of the highlights of my day because I knew I’d get to see my friends and get a nice little break. Sadly, when I left Curves to recover from the birth of my daughter, it went out of business. (Clearly, they couldn’t bear to go without me!)

Since then, I’ve been trying to find a way to add regular exercise back into my life again and wasn’t having much luck. All the solutions we came up with were impractical for life with a toddler or involved me sacrificing what little time I get now to work and sleep to work out, which I wasn’t willing to do. I knew from prior experience that it needed to be something to fit into the life I was already living, to fill a need, or I wouldn’t stick with it.

Ideally, I wanted something like a treadmill with a desk so that I could work while I worked out. Then I wouldn’t have to sacrifice sleep or work time, I could just make one of those times serve double duty. But not only do we not have the room for that and it would be a safety hazard for the wee one, I knew in my heart I’d never have a chance to do it. Sure, my husband can promise he’ll start getting home on time regularly to give me an extra half an hour before dinner but that’s never actually happened in decade plus that we’ve been together so it’s just delusional to expect it to start now. No, I needed something that fit into the life I was already living, not some wishful thinking version of it.

I finally settled on a simple plastic step, the kind you use in an aerobics class. It was much cheaper than a stepper machine but accomplishes the same thing with a few advantages. Firstly, it’s light enough that I can move it around to wherever the toddler has currently parked herself. If she wants to play upstairs, I can work out upstairs and I should never find myself in one of those “I’d be working out right now if I was trapped down here in the kitchen while the machine is upstairs” situations I can all to easily see happening with a big machine like a treadmill. It’s also perfectly baby safe and very easy to quickly stop and start as needed (such as when I need to put Daisy’s bow back on for the 9 billionth time). And while I won’t be able to do work like typing while I’m using it, it’s actually surprisingly easy to do while reading or browsing the web on my tablet so it will at least still fulfill one need, my overwhelming To Read pile, which has been nagging me. Of course, it would work for watching TV too, for those of you that are into that sort of thing. And the whole thing cost less than $25 and fits discretely behind my couch when not in use. I’d like to see a normal stepper do that!

Is it the most solution to my needs? No. Moreover, you can probably think of a lot of reasons it wouldn’t work for you and that’s fine. It may not fit my life either in a few years. But the point is that it works for me and the life I’m living right now and that’s what makes it easier for me to stick with it and meld this new habit into my existing routine.

There’s something you want to be doing and your best chance of adding that into your life doesn’t lie in uprooting everything and trying to fight what makes you comfortable. It involves looking at the habits you have no and finding a way to piggy back on them, to make the habit work with your natural rhythms. Then you give yourself the best chance of making the new habit a good fit that feels right instead of this stone around your neck you’re always battling.

And once you find the way that works for you, it’s just of matter of doing it, step by step.