behind (I blame October Hillary)

I am behind. In NaNoWriMo. On my work for the holidays. On my work on other things. On my holiday projects. On calling people back.

You name it, I am probably behind on it.

It’s not that I am slacking off, because I am working like a crazy person. It’s more that I suspect I am not managing my time right coupled with a lot of extra work that just comes with this time of year what with the holiday rush coupled with a whole mess of work that was dumped on me (which I cannot talk about on here but GRRR) that was completely out of my control.

I’m trying not to freak out, but the freak is happening a little. I am trying to tell myself that it will all get done but I think the biggest problem is that I tend underestimate how long things will take me, promise myself I will finish “x” tonight and then take a break and “x” ends up taking four days and stressing the living daylights out of me because I never take that break. Part of this has been technology issues, but still.

I need to pony up and cut out sleep, that’s the thing for it. She says at 2:25 AM.

I am also messed up by the fact that I thought I had a whole other week after Thanksgiving to do stuff and only just realized that Thanksgiving is at the end of the month. This was dumb of me. I am not smart.

What it all boils down to is complete and total anger at myself. I am really pissed at October Hillary. She took time off and played games, went out, did stuff occasionally. Fun? Sure. But I should have been working my butt off in October so that this month wouldn’t be so bad. I know I cannot go back in time and change that but every late night I pull I sit there stewing in anger at October Hillary, who feels like a different person than me. She is some kind of time squandering imp who tricked me into this situation and I am mad at her.

What bothers me the most is that I hate breaking promises in general but I actually hate breaking promises to myself more than to other people. Yes, this is mess up. But I don’t often promise myself things and I promised myself a lot of things this month which is why I am so freaking-out-y because I cannot let go of those things.

Well, I have the two days of the weekend ahead of me. If I can get a chunk of stuff done on Sat (Sunday is Thanksgiving 1 in my family) then maybe I will be able to see the path to normality up ahead from there.